Hard As It May Be

by Jasper McAdams

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This song stands alone in many ways. In regards to most of the songs I write, when it comes to the words, I often try to communicate ideas that find themselves constantly walking the halls of my brain. I often have a specific person or group in mind when writing as I try to share new perspectives on life issues that seem pertinent at the time they are conceived.

With "Hard As It May Be", I had to write this one to myself and for myself. My wife, Allison, and I lost our daughter after 3 weeks of life in this world and all of a sudden I was faced with more uncertainty than I had ever faced before. Meeting Sophie for me was the best moment of my life, which was ongoing joy that was silenced in what seemed like mere moments.

Grief is heavy when it comes because of losing a child. For me processing through grief was challenging because even though I had understanding of death and the life after in a logical sense, it didn't change the fact that darkness hung all around me and I was left to deal with emotions I had never known before. Thankfully I had my wife with me through the entire aftershock of the experience, but even today it hurts to think much about it.

Days after the funeral, when friends and family began to fade back into their homes, I caught myself alone on the couch with my guitar. This song just came out in what felt like a distant gaze at a life I thought I understood. My own.

This song and recording is dedicated to my daughter Sophia Grace Smeltzer (September 6th, 2011 - September 28th, 2011). The Father's love be with you.


released September 23, 2013
Produced by Jasper McAdams
with Jerry Lee II & Steve Sullivan

Recorded at Foxtrot Studios in Shreveport, LA

written by Jasper McAdams
arranged by Jasper McAdams & Jerry Lee II
engineered & mastered by Steve Sullivan

:: Jasper McAdams: acoustic guitar, vocals, NLog Synth
:: Jerry Lee II: singing saw, rhodes, DG-20, bell kit,
electric guitars, accordion, DM1

Artwork by Brittney Maddox



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